


Searching For Any Way To Remember Them

by figurative_falsehood



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Canon Universe, Dark Sides, Deceit Sanders - Freeform, Fever Dreams, Graphic Description, Hallucinations, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Manipulation, Not Canon Compliant, OC Dark Sides - Freeform, Panic Attacks, State of shock, The Mindscape, Violence, made up dark sides, this is not a happy story
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-06
Updated: 2019-03-28
Packaged: 2019-10-05 18:03:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17329841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/figurative_falsehood/pseuds/figurative_falsehood
Summary: Patton was the first.Roman was the next.Virgil saw it coming.Now Logan is alone.





	1. Losing My Grip In The Gray

Logan was alone. He was alone. Alone. 

Patton was the first one to… Patton was the first to go. Just, there one day and gone the next only it wasn't that easy. It started with breaking glass and then Patton, Sweet Patton, the only one who's been here longer than Logan. Patton. Patton looked at him and had no idea who he was. And then he was gone and none of them could understand.

Roman was next and he had tried so hard to be brave. He tried so hard to be the prince and face it with courage and swords. It happened quicker with Roman than it did with Patton. They found him hiding, sobbing, afraid. And then he was gone too. And he left behind a hole that no one would ever be able to fill.

Virgil saw it coming, he must have. He locked his bedroom door and Logan never saw him again. Logan never saw him again. No matter how long or loud he banged on the door. No matter how many times he tried to pick the lock. No matter how bloody and bruised his hands were he would never see Virgil again.

And Logan was alone. He was alone. Alone.

Logan never noticed just how full the mindscape was. Even when everyone went about there own business. Even when it was silent. The other's presence radiated warmth in the walls. Now it was cold. It was cold and silent and dark. Logan stood. His legs were stiff and his hands were black and blue and he stood in front of Virgil's door with glassy eyes.

He turned slowly and walked through the abandoned mindscape. The lights above him flickered and the house they lived in seemed to be falling apart. Doors hung off half broken hinges and the walls flaked away as if hed been sitting outside Virgil’s door for decades. None of this was supposed to be possible. This should in no way be possible.

Logan passed by Patton's room and stopped in the doorway. It looked like the whole room had been whitewashed. The color had been drained away. Now everything blended together in horrible shades of gray and white and it was all wrong.

Logan had to turn away. Had to force his feet to move down the hall that only kept stretching out in front of him, taunting him. But still, he moved, his feet weighed down by something he couldn't see. The same weight pressed down on him hunching him over. He was so cold.

And it was only getting colder.

Roman’s room was dark and broken. His things smashed and torn and thrown across the room. Inky shadows spread through the room like they were alive. Swallowing everything up. Logan only glanced in for a moment before he was forcing his feet to move again.

His breath came out in foggy puffs in front of him.

Finally, Logan reached his own room. His own perfectly neat room that lived in shades of blues and blacks. His ceiling was lit by stars that used to swirl, forming galaxies just for him. There was a time he could stare at them for hours. There was a time they would twinkle. Now they were flat. Like specks of paint rather than burning balls of gas. Maybe this was it. He walked around his room feeling like the walls would collapse at any moment. He glanced at the books on his bookshelf and the titles were missing from the spines. He stumbled towards his bed and hid under the covers. He wanted it to just happen already. Just like it did with the others. He wanted the wait to be over.

He wanted to fade.

Logan closed his eyes.  


	2. I Feel You Slipping Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoopsies. i promise i haven't forgotten...

The Morning was still, the calm hadn’t yet been shattered. His eyes snapped open and he was awake. Sleep didn’t hang over his head begging him to stay in bed. He was alert, but not panicked. Just awake. His ceiling swirled above him and he watched the stars. **  
**

Eventually, Patton could be heard in the kitchen and the sound was so overwhelmingly comforting it stung logan’s eyes. He blinked away the water there and went about his normal morning routine which meant coffee. Lots of coffee.   
  
He got dressed as he always did but just as he reached for the doorknob he felt unsettled. He felt off. The hair on the back of his neck stood on end and though there was no obvious reason for it his hand shook. Logan frowned and watched his fingers suspended in the air, just an inch from the knob. He frowned and opened the door ignoring it. There was no reason to be so jumpy after all.   
  
Logan made he way down the stairs and into the kitchen where again he stopped. Like his feet had decided for him. Right in the doorway. Patton’s back was turned to him but for some reason, a lump rose in logans throat. Again he pushed it away and walked over to the coffee pot.

He poured his cup silently, nodding good morning to Patton who was making way more pancakes than the four of them could every logically eat. Logan sipped his coffee slowly trying to force the warm liquid to somehow calm him down. He drank half of it before he realized he kept glancing at the doorway to the kitchen like he was looking for something. Like he was waiting on something. Although he was unsure what he could be waiting for.

“Logan?” Patton asked waving his pancake batter covered fingers in front of his face. Logan blinked.

“Yes Patton?” he asked, hiding his annoyance.

“You okay? You seem a little out of it. I had to say your name a few times.” Patton said as he stirred. He was looking at him in that way that meant he was worried. Which meant he’d be hovering most of the day.  Logan frowned and cleared his throat.

“I assure you I am fine Patton just a little tired is all. Would you like me to set the table?” he asked. Another part of his morning routine that seemed to be forced on him as he was the only one other than Patton awake before the food was done.

“Sure kiddo sounds good.’” Patton said grinning at him but Logan saw the concern still there. He brushed it off and started setting the plates and forks and knives on the table. Plate knife, fork, plate, knife, fork, plate, knife, fork. He went around the table counting eight plates. And eight knives and eight forks. Wait… eight?

“Kiddo?” Patton asked from the doorway and Logan looked up at him standing there with two platters of too many fucking pancakes. “You set out too many plates, ” Patton said. “That’s okay I can get it.” he set the pancakes in the middle and Logan stared at them.

Logan was distantly aware of half the plates being moved away and at some point, Roman   Virgil arrived and logan was still staring at nothing. Like he was missing something. Like he was missing something huge.

A shriek filled logans ears and he jumped back into the wall, blinking and looking around for who had screamed. Everyone stared at him. Confusion and concern in their eyes.

“You didn’t hear that?” he asked suddenly gasping for air.

“Logan, are you feeling okay? Maybe you’re coming down with something?” Patton asked walking towards him.

“I. I’m fine,” Logan said standing up straighter and tugging on his tie before rushing out of the room. His heart beat quickly and he had no idea what was so wrong with him.

He was in his room. He was in his room and it was quiet and still and the others were probably worried about him and they would check on him eventually but for now he needed to breathe because he couldn’t focus. Everything suddenly felt so wrong. So incredibly wrong out of the corner of his eye but the second he turned to look everything was okay again.

‘Your unraveling’ a voice whispered in the back of his head. He shook it off. ‘Your fading’ the voice said and the voice was his own and he was drowning in the sound.


End file.
